Fatigue of a writer

The right idea stands at an arm’s length, waiting to be approved. The other right idea stays in the rear, waiting to arrive. And me stand in the edge of a sinking boat, where the client sits with wide opened mouth like a gaint whale. He wishes to suck me in with a grin. The ship slides in too, looks more eager than me.

Has there been a better hell!

An Ink drop just smudges the white sheet. What once happened to be a kiss, now turns into an unrelenting episode. How could it do that to my paper?

Naughty ink, it wants to make a story. But keyboard types client advts. Keyboards are more like themselves, more clear-headed then an ink. Ink can turn a letter to a creature. Sometimes deciding to take a stroll around the margin too, leaving behind a trail of doodles.

If there is a moment before the  client’s burp, the Moon fades away, a fairy tale dies a silent death, and over the demise of a story writer, the idea is approved.

Time for another paid idea.


Dear Fellow Bed rester

Dear Fellow bedrester,

For whatever reasons and period you are lying; welcome to the gang. While it may seem taxing, it’s in the understanding that it will finish very soon and you are not going to come back to this again.

The last time when I was on bed rest due to a slipped disc. I behaved like I had a cancer, the period depressed me and that delayed the recovery. All day I stared walls and watched the broken love stories of Lizards, that lived in our house.

There were three of them, two male and one female. I think I am correct about the genders, as two always fought and followed the third. During One such fatal battle, one of them lost its tail; and I realized feminism sucks even with Lizards. There was now the tail less ‘majnu lizard’ with two lovers. I still feel bad for the loner sometimes. Their fatal encounters always scared me. What if they fell on me or my bed. But I think they pittied me and always stayed away. Moreover, they all had a regular path and routine. Loitering around tublight, catching flies, fighting with the other Males and chasing the female.

Recently, i again got to bed rest for reasons. Unfortunately, there are no Lizards in our house this time and spiders are too shy. But it isn’t about Lizards and Spiders. It’s about realising that the rest of your office is jealous of you and isn’t it the long break you have always wanted from work?

Bed rest is actually a tiring and very taxing affair. The immobility makes little things very challenging. This might lead to real depression. Feelings of ‘Isro launching another satellite and you are just being a potato’ roam around. Anyways you were not working on a satellite( Or may be). u hate it. Want to run away from it. The max you can do is, may be a twitch.  If you have people to take your care, look, this is the worst it can get. So now we can look at the positives.

Just remember, it will finish. And you are not coming back to this again. Is it not an opportunity?

Frieda Cahlo created master pieces from bed, you can do other things. Starting with the long list of movies n books you wanted to read. May be write. How about a life’s introspection. Have you heard about the joy called ‘ eating on bed’?

To everyones surprise, you can even dance while lying and this is very important. While the passiveness favours one part of your body, the immobility affects adversely on the others. N when you finally  stand your other body parts will decide to revolt. Movement is the key. May  be a toe, a brow or just heaving of chest with occasional lefts and rights of head and last but not the least tightening and releasing of which ever muscle you can feel. This will give you enough blood circulation to get the zing.

And when you get on those two precious feet, life begins afresh. It’s like you were chosen to cherish to knowledge of good health, nature and freedom. You start acknowledging everything mundane. You might start living again.

‘ O dear bed rester,

You lie for your self,

So make it a merry occasion

Some words with friends and maybe with your own self.’

Happy bedrest, Get well soon.

For the love of Bollywood songs – ‘Gori Tu Latth maar’

‘Gori Tu Latha Maar’ – Toilet

(Video source – YouTube)

For the love called Bollywood songs, songs from ‘toilet’ have their homes in our heart. Still wondering, was it a coincidence that ‘Bakheda’ found the earthy voice of Sukhwinder and ‘hans mat pagli’ got alive with the honey-sweet voice of Sonu Nigam. Could we ever think of getting musically correct with Akhshay Kumar’s raw voice in ‘Toilet Ka Jugad’. So correct! It aptly appears to be the voice of every common man, with a ‘lota’, looking for THE spot. This song happens to be revolutionalising patriotism with cleanliness.

Or the romantic song ‘Subah ki train’. Warm original lyrics steaming out of a hot ginger tea of an obvious tea loving writer.
‘subah ki chai mein Jaise adrak ghole’.
Or the song ‘ Hans mat pagli pyar ho jayega’ giving a melodious reasoning behind the baseless logic of the many failed love stories of our country.
‘Timid giggle = green signal from the girl.’
With a selfish personal choice this article happens to eulogize ‘ Gori tu Latthal mar’
From ears to eyes to heart, the song moves one inside out.
Can’t remember any other modern Bollywood no. portraying a post marriage romance. As Akshay brilliantly expresses the desperation of missing his wife in the most positive ways. Not physical or steamy, that makes the performance stand out. But a very real, eye to eye, situation between a husband and wife, when distance awaits love. It’s been like ages watching a song celebrating Holi with such humility. If there is flirt, it should be like this. While I still have faith in the good gentlemen from our land, this song is more like a gentle reminder of the goodness they still possess. Great choreography!
As the voice of Sonu Nigam melts in the ears, heart beats to the rythmn of this one song and Palak Muchhal sounds like a wind chime tinkle. Though every other song from this film deserves a standing ovation, before this gem gets lost in the Bollywood bubble, it is ‘once more’  ‘Gori Tu Latth maar’ in our fond memory of missing ones husband or wife, and having had a life lived in same era as the great actor ‘Akshay Kumar’.

ये गर्भ क्यों नहीं ठहरता?

समय थम जाता है
सांसें रुक जाती हैं
ये पत्तों की सरसराहट भी मेरे आने पे छुप जाती है
तुम जहाँ ठहर जाते हो
वहीँ मैं भी ठहर जाती हूं
लेकिन सफर क्यों नहीं ठहरता
ये गर्भ क्यों नहीं ठहरता?
कोपलें खिल रही हैं
मौसम बदल रहा है
चिडिय़ा के घोंसलों मे चूज़े चूं चूं कर रहे हैं
अब तो मेरे आंगन के
आम की बोर भी मुझे चिडाती है
‘ तेरे घर के आंगन से
किलकारी कयों नहीं आती है? ‘
कितने मूंगे खप गये
बैंगन भी मुंह छिपाते हैं
बृहस्पति और शुक्र भी अब,
मेरी भेंट से लजाते हैं ‘
दबी दबी आवाजों मेंं
बडे बडे कह जाते हैं
‘ अंग अंग है भर रहा, फिर
पांव कयों हल्के रह जाते हैं? ‘
सिल बट्टे सारे पूज लिए
घर के अपशकुनि भी बूझ लिए
सारे त्योरी चडाते हैं
मुझे ही अपशकुनि बुलाते हैं
‘रेगिस्तान के सूखे मे भी
हरे श़ाख दिख जाते हैं,
पर तेरे पथ के बाडे में तो
सूखे फल ही आते हैं’
मैं लकीरें उकेर के मुस्काऊं
मुझसे कुछ तो हो जाता है
इन रंगों के मतभेद में
सब ईंद्रधनुष हो जाता है
दो रंग भी मिलके
इक नया रंग बनाते हैं
फिर मेरे रंगे चित्र ही
क्यों बेरंगे रह जाते हैं?
पर रात कितनी ही स्याह रहे
सूरज फिर भी उगता है
आखिर, सीपी के संकोच भेद
मे भी एक मुक्ता है
जब तक मेरी आस है
ये मेरा रति प्रयास रहे
मैं ना जानूं जीवन बंजर
मेरी कला उर्वर उजास रहे।

मासिका अभिनंदन

धीमे से मासिक आऐ

पांव थके, कमर गठियाए

बूंद बूंद अलसाए
चुपके से मासिक आए
घोंघा बन बिस्तर में ऐठूं
स्नेह से मां सहलाए
इस एकाकी विलासिता में
कोई पास न आए


मन भ्रमित, तन विचलित
क्या विज्ञान! ना बूझे गणित
इतिहास खडा खिसियाए
क्यों कर मासिक आए
लाली आभा, जान सखी मोरी
आढ बनाए कोरी
मैं मूरख, किसी द्रव्य तरल सी,
रोऊँ चोरी चोरी
मां बोली
हट पगली,
मैं तेरी, तू मेरी सहेली
वैसे ही सहती है
फिर क्यों नीर संग बहती है
सावन, हेमन्त, बसंत के बाद
जैसे पतझड़ आए
वैसे ही मासिक आए
सत्रित्व की पहचान है ये
प्रकृति का वरदान है
नवजीवन को जनने का
ये अपना सा अभिमान है
ममता की धैर्य जटिलता का कुछ कुछ अनुमान कराऐ
बस ऐसे मासिक आए
चल तेरा पंचांग बनाते हैं
कुछ केसरी चिन्ह लगाते हैं
तेरे क्षय के खाने का
समपूर्ण आहार बनाते हैं
इक बात हमेशा याद रहे
ये बटुआ तेरे पास रहे
तेरी श्रिंगार दानी में जैसे
कोई नवीन श्रिंगार आ जाए
वैसे ही मासिक आए
ये क्षोभ का कोप नहीं
सत्री धैर्य की वाणी है
दीदी, चाची, दादी, नानी
सबकी यही कहानी
नानी से मां से
मां से मुझसे,
मुझसे तू जैसे आए
वैसे ही मासिक आए
अक्षत, कुम कुम
हल्दी चंदन
ये मेरा तुझको मासिक अभिनंदन।

कविता का घर

“वो क्षितिज देखती हो? वहीं मेरा शून्य है, मैं वहीं से कवि ता लिखता हूं।

ये किचन का सिंक देखते हो? ये मेरा शून्य है। मैं यहीं से शुरू होती हूं और यहीं पे खत्म होती हूं।

इसीलिए तुम्हारी कविता नाली  में जाती है।

नहीं, समंदर में जाके मिलती है, तुम्हारी सोच जहां तक जाएगी तुम्हारी कविता भी वहीं तक जाएगी।

तुम्हें लगता है? कोई तुम्हें याद रखेगा?

मुझे कोई भूलेगा नहीं।

लेकिन तुम हो कहां?

तुम्हारी कविता में,

तुम्हारी ​क्षितिज में।”

गुमशुदा चांद

‘ ये काली रात है,

या मैं स्याही में झांकता हूं।

तुम्हारी तरह आज मेरा चांद भी गुल है

मैं खुश हूं,

या तुम्हें पा लिया है

खिलखिलाहट के अलावा यहां हर चीज़ क्या शोरगुल है’



भंवरे को फूल से मिलते देखा है,

नदियों को सागर से मिलते देखा है,

चंदा को सूरज से मिलते देखा है

धरती को अंबर से मिलते देखा है

देखा है अनजानों को अपनों मिलते हुए

फिर भी जाने क्यों……

तुम्हारी मुस्कान तुम्हारी आंखों से नहीं मिलती….


While others applaud over a lady officer, taking her Little daughter to night patrol, I stand with a flag of doubt. Was it safe for a kid to go on a night patrol?

First, kudos to the mother for being so dedicated and sincere. But secondly, i wonder what came as a compulsion for her to take her kid to the patrol.

If the stand was an individual inspiration, I am afraid this will inspire many other seniors to urge their junior/ fellow level women officers to take their kids on night patrolling. Or if it was a compulsion, why?

It questions the code and conduct in such working situations.

Are we blinded to see the probable dangerous situations with a kid on patrol? Are there no rules on – no kids in patrolling? When women can take two years leave, why the officer didn’t take the leave? I wonder. I understand the child might have cried to stay with her mom, and may be she had no choice. But, Why she had no choice?

There was one similar case in a foreign land where a lady brought her baby on feed to a board meeting. Well, a board meeting, during day time is lot more different then a night patrol. And yes, there is a world where mothers in jobs get a good night sleep every night.

As a woman and mother, I always question my standards of equality with men. But I always feel that we as individuals have failed to identify our differences and qualities. Yes, women can become great warriors, yes they can do everything that a man does. But when they are mothers they need rest. Their body needs at least one year of self recuperation, and with a growing kid she needs two years for herself and her kid. Kids need at least one parent after school hours and that is until theyare grown. And this is a fact. All justifications of equality fail here. If we keep crying the melodies of equality, ours and our kids lives will suffer. We are very different from men, and we need those differences to be sorted out before doing the same jobs. We double work to get same efficiency as men during our periods, our capabilities are affected. We cannot run for sometime after a delivery. And these are the most natural processes that can only be sorted after we acknowledge them.

In a country where development is the need of every moment, a child’s sleep has never been a matter of concern for anyone. Because we have bigger issues to resolve, Caused by a grown up kid with difficult childhood. So lets ignore the early years of a child, most important for its mental and physical growth. And lets fit into a system ideally designed for men, not women or father’s or kids or families.

I am still wondering, how many more night patrols the lady officer did and her child had to sleep in the car with her after her story.